Free sex no piss

‘The kidneys filter the blood and any excess fluid, and salts and minerals are expelled. ‘The only time it’s medically recommended to ingest urine is if you’re stranded without food or water for many days.’ So why are people putting themselves through this drinkable cruelty?

The point of urination is to rid the body of excess. Well, the so-called ‘golden elixir’ is said to be ‘biodynamically available’.

Because what I’m faced with isn’t a pleasant glass of sun-ripened, hand-distilled Braeburn nectar. To backtrack a little, this is my first cup of a week-long challenge embracing the ancient health practice of urotherapy.

Just so we’re clear – and you’re sufficiently grossed out (it gets worse) – that’s drinking your own urine or applying it topically for the perceived benefits of clearer skin, increased energy and general vitality.

Even winner of the Alternative Nobel Peace Prize and notable holy man Swami Agnivesh is a seasoned urotherapy fan. When it comes to ingesting your own urine, there are resolutely no studies proving its efficacy.

‘It’s a bizarre concept,’ says Mr Zaki Almallah, consultant urologist at BMI Priory Hospital in Birmingham.

He looked very well-preserved and sprightly – and I wanted in.

And while I don’t have any STDs to cure, I did have a fervent cold. It was still bloody there and I still looked like a festering zombie.

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In fact, far from being toxic, urine is filtered twice – once by the liver and again by the kidneys.

Both conditions cause keratin over-production and hardened skin, which urea is adept at moisturising.

That keratin over-production can also cause keratosis pilaris – those annoying bumps on your arms.

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